Niagara                  (C)J.Birch 2012.

                        Like Ernie Dingo - plenty of long rests

   When it rains

   Our house leaks

   And me dad, he marches us all outside

   And we have to sleep in his car for a week


   Me dad's car

   It’s done 500,000 K

   But he always says

  “Don’t worry about it, it'll be okay" 


   Me mum                       

   She wrestles alligators         

   One day, one of them alligators 

   It bit off her foot           


   Me sister asked her                     

  "Mum, don’t you feel no pain?” 

   She just smiled, said          

  "I gotta mash these potatoes”


  "I'll think about it, later"            


   Me brother

   He’s an industrial chemist!

   He worries, a lot 

   The ozone layer! Bin Laden! the war!, money!


   Me Dad, he chucked him a sarsaparilla

   And said,


   Think about it, tomorrow”


   Well, tomorrow came

   And it rained

   And me dad, he didn’t like it

   He complained


   And me, I just turned on the radio

   And don’t you know?

  It never rains in California

   But man, don’t they ever warn ya’

   It pours! It pours!’


   So, when it rains

   And your roof leaks

   And your dad, he marches you outside

   And you have to sleep in his car for a week


   Remember this

   This is what I reckon


  ‘Take Viagra 

   Be a liberated man

   Don’t just think about Niagara 

   Get it while you can’.





          NAUGHTY SINYAREATTERS           (C)J.BIRCH 1998.   comedy


          I sat down beside her,   I was in my prime

          And I offered up,   this old line

          "Gee its good to see you,  do you wanta go to bed?"

          And this is,  what, she, said


         'If you got the money , well I got the time

          I'll tell ya honey,   you could be mine '

          I heard the hook , I took the line

          And an hour later , I was, feelin, fine.


     Well) she musta been ,  nine-teen

     But) I wasn't sure,   was it a dream ?

     I put my hand in my pocket,  to check my cash

     She tapped me on the shoulder,  and then, again


         'If you got the money,  well I got the time

          I'll tell ya honey , you could be mine'

          I heard the hook  and I took the line

          But with a twist,  this was my reply


          I said ....

         'If you got the money,  well I got the time

          I'll tell ya honey,  you could be mine'

          She took the hook,  she took the line

          And then, God, ..... I opened, up my eyes


     I saw the light,  and to my surprise

     I was holdin my guitar,  not my lover's thighs

     So I wrote the hook,  I wrote the rhyme

     And I made it to the office,  just, in, time,


     Oh My ! ,                                                 ¨

     Oh My !,

     But You Gotta Watch, Those Naughty, Sin-yer-, eatters ...

    'Round Si,-esta Time .!


     (Repeat Last Verse Twice More Building To A Big Finish)